How to Tell When You’re Eating Real Asian Food

Dolce & Gabbana.  Ralph Lauren.  Clinique.  Avon.  Stir fried noodles.  Wait…what?

Pick an Asian restaurant, any Asian restaurant, and go eat there.  Finished?  Good.  Now leave the restaurant and walk until you’re one mile away. Stop.  Can you smell the calamari, garlic lobster, and fried rice you ate 1 mile and 20 minutes ago?  If you answered yes, congratulations!  You were not duped; you had real Asian food.  If you answered no, um…sorry?  Try again next time?

Last night we treated ourselves to dinner out, something we’ve been doing for a couple weeks now, to give us something to look forward to.  We did our weekend errands and then stopped by a local Asian restaurant for dinner.  We ordered a couple dishes, including a plate of stir fried noodles with beef and mustard greens and a plate of “Ma Poo Tofu,” the name of which I admit made me giggle for a minute or two =) .  Oh and of course a coke to start and to end – gotta have something other than water to drink to really complete a meal.

I was starving after work, having had nothing but coffee all day, and food always tastes twice as good when you’re famished.  After a couple hours, we were all stuffed and ready to go home and snooze.  Walking out of the restaurant, I was not the least bit surprised to find that I could smell the smell of my dinner wafting northward from my clothes to my nostrils.  We got in the car and the first thing my sister said was, “Oooo!  I smell like food!”  My reply: “Good.  That means you had real Asian food.”

It’s been our little joke for years now that the mark of real Asian food is the lingering smell on your hair and clothes even after departing from the establishment.  We also joke that if we can smell it, then it’s the real stuff, and we got our money’s worth.

So if you’re looking to test out my theory, feel free to do so.  But be forewarned:

• Don’t wear fancy shmancy clothes that need special care, because you will need to toss them in the machine when you get home
  
• Have a washing machine at the ready
  
• Be bald if you can, there’s really no point in freshly shampooed hair in this case

Happy Eating!